Well, they do say the things you want most don't come easily and that is something we have come to learn.
My husband and I started trying for a baby not long after we got together, which is crazy to some because we were both young and had not known each other for long but, we just knew!
I came off all contraception in August 2017 I was on the week break from my pill and we made the decision that I wouldn't start back on again.
Looking back we were naïve, why wouldn't it just be easy and simple we were young and healthy adults and although my periods had never been regular I never thought too much about it.
Month after month we waited, waiting for my period to come, getting excited when it was late spending SO MUCH MONEY on pregnancy tests, always hoping but always negative.
The feeling each month is indescribable. Fertility problems is something no one talks about and all these feelings bubble up and you have no way of expressing. The depression, disappointment, feeling of failure. Each month feeling like I was letting down my partner because I was broken. Over the years I have come to accept the way it is but nothing in this world can help you when you are feeling all these emotions and having no way to change it. No one knows what is going on behind closed doors and I try to be open about everything I am going through to open up the conversations but those early years of heart ache, mourning for something you have never had but want so badly. The constant "so when is it your turn" "aren't you two having a baby yet".
Anyone going through the struggle of getting pregnant or carrying a baby will know the torn feeling each time someone announces their pregnancies, feeling so happy for someone but feeling so angry and hurt that they have something you don't.
Numerous doctors and hospital appointments have happened since, because we were so young we had to wait 2 years before we could get any help. Add a move back to England things have taken their time BUT we are finally getting there.
Fingers crossed for what is to come next. x
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